How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)

‘Education,’ said Dr. John G. Hibben, former president of Princeton University, ‘is the ability to meet life’s situations.’

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When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

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Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

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This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children.

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the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.

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‘I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,’ said Schwab, ‘the greatest asset I possess …

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‘There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticise anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.’

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Carnegie wanted to praise his assistants even on his tombstone. He wrote an epitaph for himself which read: ‘Here lies one who knew how to get around him men who were cleverer than himself.’

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Mind you, I got this reduction without saying a word about what I wanted. I talked all the time about what the other person wanted and how he could get it.

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‘Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. ‘Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is

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to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there . . .’ Everybody in the world is seeking happiness – and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

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If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.

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Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement. To become a more effective leader of people, apply . . .

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‘Bill,’ he said, ‘you are a fine mechanic. You have been in this line of work for a good number of years. You have repaired many vehicles to the customers’ satisfaction. In fact, we’ve had a number of compliments about the good work you have done. Yet, of late, the time you take to complete each job has been increasing and your work has not been up to your own old standards. Because you have been such an outstanding mechanic in the past, I felt sure you would want to know that I am not happy with this situation, and perhaps jointly we could find some way to correct the problem.’

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crosses to his soldiers and made eighteen of his generals ‘Marshals of France’ and called his troops the ‘Grand Army.’ Napoleon was criticised for giving ‘toys’ to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleon replied, ‘Men are ruled by toys.’

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Childish? Perhaps. But that is what they said to Napoleon when he created the Legion of Honour and distributed 15,000

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